Yet Again

Well guys, I come as the bearer of bad news, as I so often do. Last night the Board of the school met and discussed my situation. They decided not to meet with me personally today but sent only one of them instead to relay their decision. They determined that through personal donations and personal favors that they do not owe me any of the money they originally promised. They believe they have done enough to compensate me for my services, which they (or at least the one relaying the message) also feel were insufficient. The person I met with told me he felt that my teaching performance at the school was lacking anyways. Needless to say, I feel quite devastated and shocked by the whole thing. I don't think I've felt so betrayed since my wife left me. I'm leaving out a lot of details because I'm honestly too hurt to write very much right now.

As for Vanderbilt, well, I guess I'm going to do everything I can to find a way to move. Otherwise, I'll have to figure out a Plan B for my life really damn quick. Actually, at this point I feel like I'm already at like Plan W but anyways. The man told me that the individual board members were unwilling to make any personal contributions themselves but that there is a possibility that the church could find a way to make a donation. He said he'd let me know. So, I guess I can hope for that but I'm not crossing my fingers. I'll be honest with all of you. I'm pretty down right now about all of this and feeling quite lost. I'm not the most qualified person you'll ever meet in dealing with failure or rejection so I'm kind of feeling it all in a big way. I'm in one of those "all I feel like doing is feeling sorry for myself because life sucks" moods. I even feel like I owe you guys an apology and I don't even know why. I guess I feel like my efforts over the past few years have utterly tanked and perhaps I'm only now just recognizing it. It's pure feeling, not rational thought, but just the same...

So, anyways, stop by and have a drink with me because I need some virtual company.

P.S. -- Those of you in my area (viz., former students) who are reading this, well please don't make a big deal of this just yet as I have to hold out some hope that the church will provide something and pissing them off wouldn't be the wisest idea I suppose.